Porcelain Hearts and Forgiving Smiles
by animefreek456
Summary: Not my story. The author if this story is unkown. Sesshoumaru leaves Rin and tells her he's never coming back. Will she forgive him or become cold. sesshyxrin angst warning.
1. Chapter 1

Porcelain Hearts and Forgiving Smiles

Rin's POV

One week... two weeks... four weeks... a month. It has been a month or so since he left. Since he said that I was useless, since I said, I loved him. He told me that I could not travel with him anymore. He said I was 16 and should already be a mother. He said... it was useless to have me around.

I didn't expect any of this. But it hurt so much when he told me to leave, but I did so anyway. He was my protector, my savior, my life. It was because of him I was alive. Because of him that I am no longer dead. But it was also because of him that I am living this awful life right now.

"Rin!" yelled Mizua running towards her adopted sister.

Rin turned around only to get slapped in the face.

"Mother wants you home! She told me to beat some sense into you. But I feel merciful today so I will not." she scampered off back to their house.

Rin did not flinch when she was hit. Because she'd experienced more pain than anyone ever should. So this one gesture wasn't even close to enough to make her cry. All her life she had been protected. Now she knew what he had protected her from. Humans.

But she had already gotten used to this way of life. She would get up make her foster family breakfast, and then basically starve until dinner. That was the only time she ate. When she first came here she was skinny, but now she was very slim but at the same time curvy.

She had cut her hair so it was just about three inches below her shoulders. Although she lost the side pony and instead pull the sides of her hair back and tied them up behind her head. She was very tall for her age. At least a little higher than Sesshoumaru's shoulders.

All the girls at the village were jealous of her. Rin was very pretty. Her soft chocolate eyes, pink lips, curvy body. In a man's point of veiw she would be considered a goddess. Her kind and loving attitude had faultered but she was still kinder than any of her foster family.

Rin walked back to the house relunctantly hesitating a bit. She thought of running away but remembered the last time she had tried to.

_Flashback_

_'Almost there.' Rin thought desperately._

_She had run away but her step mother had sent the town's guard for her. She was fast. Actually when she was 14 she had bothered Sesshoumaru to have a race wit her. He went his full speed and so did she. But he only won by about an inch._

_Her full speed was faster than most demons could run. She could beat Inuyasha without even triyng. But now not even her speed could save her. An arrow shot past her head making her stop in her tracks. They had found her._

"_We've got her!" the captain of the guards shouted._

_Her eyes were nothing but blank. After all those years of traveling with Sesshoumaru she had learned to walk like a shadow and keep her face as stoic as it got. Her natural smile was never on her face anymore. It had disappeared with Sesshoumaru._

"_C'om let's get her back." one shouted grabbing her rists and holding them behind her back._

_She did not scream. Who would save her anyway? Sesshoumaru wouldn't respond to her screaming his name anymore. In fact he was probably miles away by now. Nothing could save her now. Only she could save herself nad she did not have the strength to._

_As soon as she got back to the village Kankoro her step father was waiting there standing at the very enterance of the village. He has a whip in one hand and in the other a pocket knife. He had told her that the punishment for this little act would be bad._

_He cut her in several places and whipped her until dawn. Inside their houses people could hear the cracking of a whip, but no screaming. Rin refused to scream, she refused to show weakness. _

"_What's wrong with you? Why don't you scream? Your muteness doesn't appeal to me!" he scolded whipping her harder._

_By now Rin's eye's were tightly shut, and inside each time that whip came down her heart screamed. _

Instead her feet carried her back to her home. Her sister, mother, and father were all waiting at the table for dinner.

"Come on, hurry it up we're all hungry here!" her mother screamed.

Rin nodded and bowed before entering the kitchen. After dinner, which for rin was a piece of ham and some peas, she Rin went straight to sleep. The moment her eyes closed she had that dream again...

"_Rin." said Sesshoumaru glaring at her._

_His cold glare sent shivers down Rin's spine._

"_Y-yes Lord Sesshoumaru?"_

"_You are a pathetic human... nothing more. You understand that right?"_

_Rin nods._

"_Good, you are no longer allowed to travel with me. I will take you by a human village where you will stay." he finished leaving behind a stunned Rin._

"_B-but Lord Sesshoumaru, I don't want to le-"_

"_You will do what you're told!" he shot back his eyes full of anger._

_All Rin could do was walk until she had reached her final destination. _

_'Why Lord Sesshoumaru? Why?' she silently asked herself._

_Sesshoumaru almost had the same thoughts._

_'Why am I doing this? I don't _want_ her to leave. Am I afraid that she'll leave me? No. Maybe it's the fact she is a human and I care for her too much for my own good. But, I still don't se why I'_

_But his thoughts were cut short by Rin's voice._

"_You selfish demon..." she whispered._

_Sesshoumaru's eyes widened and he felt a pang of sadness and guilt wash over him._

"_You never really cared. Not even a bit. You are just goin to dump me there, and go on like I never exsisted! How could you? You are truly evil aren't you?" she said tears falling freely down her cheeks._

"_Rin.. I have to do this. You don't understand I have to." he said almost in a whisper his head falling._

"_No! You didn't _have_ to. You thought you did! You just don't care at all!"_

"_This Sesshoumaru has made up his mind do not speak of it anymore." he said turning away._

"_Sesshoumaru."-she said dropping the 'lord'-"I love you. Don't you get it?" she finally asked pulling her head up just to face his back._

_He was silent for a long time. Then he finally spoke._

"_I do not feel the same... I do not even care about your feelings. You are a useless thing that has latched on to me and has to be cut off." he replied cooly._

_'Why did I just say that?' he asked himself his brows furrowing together._

_Suddenly he heard footsteps and imediatelty knew what he said was wrong. He regretted it deeply._

_Rin was running as fast as she could back to the village they had past a couple of hours ago. _

"_Evil.. back stabbing... demon!" she cursed running faster._

_After that it all went black, and the vision faded away._

Rin woke up panting. That dream. She had been having it for about a week now and it was bothering her. The main reason because, it kept reminding her of how stupid she had been. She had just gone out and told him that she loved him. Her common sense was not working.

But her heart ached when she got out of bed and got into her work clothes. The kimono that sheh ad been wearing when she had been with sesshoumaru was somewhere burried deep in the forest. She need not to be reminded where she burried it. Because some things are well left unremembered.

"Evil bastard. How could anything... or even myself feel anything towards him." she said gritting her teeth.

_He will not be forgiven_.


	2. Chapter 2

Porcelain Hearts and Forgiving Smiles

Rin had almost spent one hour just walking around and occasionally looking up to the sky. She didn't exactly know what she was expecting to happen. What was she thinking that a huge rock would fall onto her head? Or maybe Sesshoumaru would come and swipe her off her feet to safety.

She just shrugged and kept walking through her thoughts. But one thought hit her square in the head. What did she really feel about Sesshoumaru now? If he came back for some reason would she except and go back to wandering around with him?

He'd been gone so long, and she had gotten used to living basically on her own. What _would_ she do if he came back? Rin just shook her head and decided the time would never come so why bother thinking of it. She was just about home when she heard screams coming from her village.

o0o0o0o0o0o

"Jaken." Sesshoumaru stated coolly.

Jaken turned his head slowly, his eyes wandering else where.

"Yes... milord?" he asked quietly.

_Ever since _she_ left Jaken has been acting strange. It is annoying me. She was just a useless human, she could be dead right now and I wouldn't care. The hell with Ri-_

Sesshoumaru stopped himself from saying her name. He did not want to think about Rin since she was no longer there with them. He found it useless and boring. But although he still felt a tiny pang of sadness when he thought of Rin. But he would never admit it out loud, of course.

Being the stuck up bastard he was, he'd never admit it even to himself. He'd just beat the living crap out of that little feeling of sadness until it was bruised enough not to bother him again. That was his version of how to "cope" with Rin's absence.

He was not exactly sure where he was wandering to, but then he remembered. For some reason he was going to the village Rin was in. But then something caught his attention. Screaming? Coming from Rin's village. His eyes widened but he didn't spring into action like he usually did.

He thought about doing it. He thought about saving her all over again, having her cling onto him again. Hearing her say how much she missed him, how much she...loved him. But the screams got closer as he started sprinting. He wasn't sure what he wanted to do but part of his mind kept telling him to go faster. Telling him something bad was going to happen.

He rushed to Rin's village where he saw bloodied corpses all over the place. But one particualr scent struck his nose, Rin's scent. She was somehow still alive. Even though all the rest of the humans were slautered. He felt proud for some reason. What the reason was he wasn't sure of.

Then he saw it. He saw a tall girl running into the forest from demons. He ran and followed the girl. Her scent had already caught his nose, but it was different for some reason. He suddenly realized what was different about it... Rin had.. demon blood in her veins?

But when he finally caught up to her, her appearance was human. She was a human. But her scent told him otherwise. He was sure she didn't even know of this new change. The mysterious thing was...how did this happen?

When he "left" her she was human. Then what could have happened.

o0o0o0o0o0o

Rin's POV

I just kept running. I didn't even look back, but suddenly a memory flashed back into my head. The first time I had died. The wolves from a tribe were chasing me. I tripped and fell, I died but was saved by Sesshoumaru. By his Tensaiga.

I quickly shook my head of the thought. But then my body started pulsing almost like my blood itself was roaring with demon energy. But from where? I was no demon, I was a human. A filthy disgusting human. That is all I am.

But still this energy, if I could somehow tap into it..somehow.

o0o0o0o0o0o

Sesshoumaru was still unsure of himself. Was something wrong with his sense of smell? No he was sure he really smelt it. If Rin could actually tap into her demon self she would be exceptionally strong. He mentally slapped himself growling.

"No." he simply stated, and walked away.

Rin thought she heard something but then focused her attention back on running.

"I need to loose them somehow."

Almost like magic she felt herself become faster. She raised an eyebrow but didn't stop to question it. Instead she ran faster and faster. Her speed had almost increased so much she couldn't even feel her feet touching the ground. They were grazing the grassy floor lightly with each step.

Sesshoumaru's mind was telling him to go to go on with his life as if nothing ever happened. But his body did otherwise. He soon found himself following Rin, trying hard to keep up with her vicious speed. He grunted but kept running.

Rin kept looking ahead not even bothering to look back. For she knew no one would be there. She knew, that Sesshoumaru himself didn't care at all. But suddenly a flashback came into her head, a flashback of the day Sesshoumaru and her were sitting in a field of flowers.

_Flashback_

"_Look Lord Sesshoumaru! Look!" said 12 year old Rin._

_Sesshoumaru nodded but turned away._

"_Lord Sesshoumaru these flowers are all pink, do you know what kind they are?" she asked looking up at him._

_Sesshoumaru thought to himself for a while searching for an answer. He found one and began explaining._

"_This Sesshoumaru is not sure of what they are Rin." he said walking away._

_Rin just smiled. Even that much of an answer was enough to make her happy. He had at least acknowlaged she was asking. Although he had not said what type of flowers they were he had answered her question._

_Rin skipped along in front of Sesshoumaru singing lightly. She was singing a song that she heard Kagome listening to with her "I-Pod"._

_You're not alone_

_Together we stand_

_I'll be by your side_

_You know I'll take your hand_

_When it gets cold _

_And it feels like the end _

_There's nowhere to go you know I won't give in_

_No I won't give in_

_Her singing was interupted when Sesshoumaru started talking._

"_Rin, stop." _

"_Hai!" _

_Rin's singing stopped abruptly and she walked quietly for the rest of their journey._

o0o0o0o0o0o

Rin closed her eyes and when she reopened them she was flying in the air. But she wasn't the one contorlling it. She a warm arm holding tight on her waist. When she looked up realization hit her like a ton of bricks. It was Sesshoumaru.

Her breathing hitched as his hold grew tighter, slightly consrticting her air flow.

"Lord S-Sesshoumaru, C-can't b-breath." she said in a raspy voice.

Sesshoumaru released his hard grip of her waist and just stared at her. He hadn't seen her in about a month, but she looked so different to him. Her hair it was shorter, instead of the long tresses she used to have. Her sparkling brown eyes were now slightly dulled.

What had they done to her? His thoughts stopped as he felt Rin's stiff body start to move.

"Lord Sesshoumaru, why are you here?" she asked anger evident in her voice.

He was taken back. He saved her and now she was asking why?

"I.. Rin.. I heard screaming and came."

Rin's eyes tightly shut and then opened revealing their new color. They were now a dark purple color.

"Go. I do not need your help." she spat kicking at him.


	3. Chapter 3

Porcelain Hearts and Forgiving Smiles

A/N: yeah on the discription it says this story is not my own. well it actually stopped at chapter two, and I didn't want to be mean sooo ... i decided to try and make the rest of the chapters on my own. So if it sux really bad compared to chapter 1 and 2 i apologize very much :

o0o0o0o0o0o

Sesshoumaru looked down at her. He saw a different girl. Rin was not the same anymore. Not only had her looks changed but her personality had faded too. She was not the same bubbly girl she used to be, and for some reason he missed that girl.

"Rin..your eyes their...purple." he simply stated eyeing her.

Rin blushed slightly but held her composer.

"Well, of course I sensed demon blood in my veins."

Sesshoumaru was surprised to know that she actually sensed it. He thought that was something only a demon could do.

"Lord Sesshoumaru put me down." Rin said.

Sesshoumaru let Rin stand on her own. Watching a cute pout faulter her features.

"Now, just take me to another village." She said turning.

Sesshoumaru shot his hand out and pulled Rin back to him. Making her hands rest on his muscular chest.(A/N: ahh.. lucky rin.. 8b)

"You will stay." he said letting go of her.

He walked away, and Rin subconciously followed. She had been so used to it that it came naturally to her now.

_I guess now I know the answer to my question. _She thought closing her eyes.

Rin had been walking for only 5 mintues she was sure, but it felt like 3 hours when you were with Sesshoumaru. After all he never talked at all, and he only acknowlaged her when she was tired or hungry.

_Maybe_ she thought_ this wasn't worth it..._

Silent tears

A breaking soul

Shattered pieces

On the floor

Pick them up

One by one

A blackened night

A weeping voice

Filled with fright

Blood stained heart

And a shattered soul

Rin spent most of her time thinking. Thinking about how it would be the same as always, and how he would never talk to her. Never think of her never... love her. She shivered and just kept walking. Suddenly a strange question popped into her head.

"Lord Sesshoumaru?" she asked.

"Yes."

"Will you... help me fight with my demon powers?"

He raised an eyebrow but knew she was completely serious.

"I suppose." he stated and walked ahead.

Rin smiled to herself. She had never expected him to say yes.

"Good." she whispered grinning madly.

Sesshoumaru glanced back to see a grinning Rin. Just like old times. He loved that bright smile. Although he'd never admit it... he missed her smile. A small smirk crawled onto his lips. In his mind he was fighting the feeling to smile.

He waved a hand motioning for Rin to come closer to him. Rin did as she was told and walked to Sesshoumaru's side waiting.

"Close your eyes Rin."

Rin nodded and closed her eyes.

"Rin, do you trust me?"

A smile played at her lips as she nodded.

"Good."

Sesshoumaru leant down and placed his mouth right where her collar bone met her neck.(A/N: above her right bone thingy in her neck. U kno the one thats like right under ur neck? ugh..w/e)

He bit down and pierced her soft flesh. He saw her wince but went on with what he was doing. He had now marked her. As his own. Nobody will be able to take her away from him again. The reason for him doing this he didn't know.

He slid a hand to her soft cheek cupping her face. Rin blushed but slowly opened her eyes. Their now dark purple color shimmered in the moonlight. She smiled but quickly took a step back. Sesshoumaru took his hand back, but didn't say anything. Of course she'd feel this way.

He had said he didn't feel anything for her didn't he? Yes, he said she was useless. That he would never love her. He sighed and kept walking. Rin scratched at the bite mark but smirked. She knew what this was. This was the mark a demon gave their mate. To signal they were taken.

Rin laughed to herself, but quickly started walking.

_What am I to him now? _

o0o0o0o0o0o

A/N: soo watd yah think? Yeah it probably wasnt as good as the first two but hey i tried..and i still havent found the person that wrote the beginning of this.. oh well it doesnt have to be found out. Anyways i should be posting more often now that im actually the person writing this.

Ah OH YEAH i have a question can some1 tell me wut usuratonkachi means?

Thnx

JA

uhm and pplz i ave no more ideas for what should happen next so if u DO have any ideas(since im a lazy fagget) then please write the next chapter! Id love to post your work for this story!!! send in ur stuff and dont worry if i could make my writing blend with the original slightly and million of writers are ten times better than myself U CAN SURLY DO IT.. LOL most of u are better than me anyway

so to send stuff in just look at my profile and e-mail me at LoveablexGirl55 at() yahoo dot(.) com

thnx much appriciated! And i mean it, it saves me a lot of brain bruises from thinking i sware i think i have black and blue all over the place on my brain..probably i most likely do i always find myself thinking too hard SEE im doing it again ARGH think corn think co- WAIT...! ARGH?!?!?!


	4. Important Note

!IMPORTANT!

Hey guys srry about not updating in a while(well basically a week XD) anyways im almost finished with the 4th chapter and i wanna hurry becoz some1 said theyd eat me alive!!! AH(thnk u for the review .) my writers block is over and i might be able to post it by next week if im lucky. Oh yeah the time it takes for me to update now mite be even longer when school starts

so please bare with me here i appreciate all the reviews since i didnt really expect this story to be popular i guess im a better writer than i thought, anyways im srry once again for not updating but im only 11 and i have brain issues(LOL) sooo the next chapter will be up in about, i dunno a week

sincerely,

danii-chan

(danielle)

(animefreek)


	5. Chapter 4

A/N: wow looks like when i finally posted chapter number 3 i got rave reviews thnk u so so much, im not so sure how many chapters ill do but ill try to spread it out as far as i can ok? Sorry for not really getting chances to update ive had writers block for a while... --U eh heheh anyways! On wit the story!!!!!

disclaimer: i dont own inuyasha blah blah blah

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Two days had passed since Sesshoumaru had come back for Rin. But to her it seemed like an eternity. Not even once had he spoken to her since she had come back with him. It seemed that he wanted to avoid her in all ways. Even when she trained he would only talk when giving advice or crucial warnings.

She didn't even know why she had come back anymore, and she was beginning to wonder if she was meant to stay at all.

One day something strange occurred Rin was just walking past Sesshoumaru's study when she heard whimpering. Like that of a dog's when it was hurt. She stopped in her tracks and became aware that Sesshoumaru was crying and little splotches of tears were on his ancient books. Rin suddenly felt bad and went in to comfort him.

When he sensed her come in he only looked up and then looked back down in shame. A human had seen him crying? What kind of exposure is that? If he wasn't so prideful he wouldn't even look up at her. Still he had wanted to hug her and spill out to her the moment she stepped foot in the room.

"Lord Sesshoumaru, is something the matter?" Rin asked getting closer.

"Rin will you please come over here next to me."

Rin slowly walked over to him eyes wide. He had never payed this much attention to her ever. When she got close to him she stared at him. His eyes looked like two slivers of the moon. Brilliant but also unpredictable. Sesshoumaru just stood there with a blank face. Rin began to talk but Sesshoumaru stopped her by tightly embracing her.

Rin's arms hung loosely at her sides. She wasn't sure what to do. She felt her cheeks flame up as a bright red blush appeared on her face. The all of a sudden Rin felt wetness on her shoulder. Was Sesshoumaru...crying?

"Lord Sesshoumaru do not cry. Please tell me what is wrong." she said soothingly.

Sesshoumaru lifted his head and stared at her lovingly. He took a clawed hand and caressed the side of her cheek gently. Rin felt like she wanted to cry just being this close to her lord. But deep down she knew she wanted more than just a hug and a caress on the cheek. Oh she wanted so much more. But fate would not allow that.

He leaned down and kissed her lightly on the forehead. For such a powerful demon he was so gentle with his touch.

"Rin, I think that... you must leave this castle for a bit." he said walking towards the balcony.

Rin nodded as she felt tears slipping freely from her brown orbs.

"If that is what you wish for me to do m'lord I'll do it."

Rin started walking away but was stopped when Sesshoumaru started talking.

"I am sorry." he simply said closing his eyes.

When he heard the heavy door close he let his head fall to the hard desk. How could he be so careless. He had to send Rin away for he feared of what the other Taiyoukai would think of her as his mate. They'd surely say he followed in his father's footsteps. But at the moment he strangely did not care.

Rin ran to her room burrowing her head in her pillow crying silently. Her body was shaking violently as she cried herself to sleep. She knew that eventually her tears would dry, but she wasn't so sure she could patch up the hole in her heart anymore.

She had wanted attention from him for so long and he was sending her away. But for whatever reason he was doing what he was doing she knew it had to be important. So when he asked she did not question it. Instead she agreed to doing what he had told her to do and ran away.

Rin ran away from her breaking soul, away from love, and away from destiny. She didn't want to die, she wanted to be with Sesshoumaru forever. She wanted to be happy. Suddenly a thought popped into her head.

_Is happiness something we do not know?_

She thought she was happy with Sesshoumaru but what did she really know about happiness? What did anybody know about happiness? All Rin knew was that her heart was breaking and her soul was floating out of her slowly. Rin was sure that, she'd die from hurt.

"Sesshoumaru,...I hate you. I hate you do much." Rin whispered crying.

O0o0o0o0o0o

im sorry it was so short but as i told u i THOUGHT i was done with writers block but as it turns out i am not...anyways hopefully the next chapter wont be as short

JA NE


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